Thursday, November 03, 2005

A proud accomplishment

I have done it. Not too many people can say that. And I'm thinking it deserves a place on my resume, somewhere between my Bachelor's Degree and completion of Army Basic Training.

Most people, faced with the same problem, punted. They turned away and refused to face it. But not me, I set my mind to the task and I did it.

I cleaned a refrigerator.

I will pause momentarily to bask in your admiration.

Thank you. Thank you.

Post Katrina, a plague of epic proportions infested our refrigerators. Food left for days and weeks took on new life and new civilizations, moldily growing where no food in our homes has ever grown before.

The more common cure: duct tape and dump it. Get it outta here and mark it as hazardous waste! Although many wags labelled their boxes as containing Saints Owner Tom Benson or former FEMA leader Mike Brown, the true contents are far more disgusting.

People have asked me, how and why?

The how was not so bad as you would imagine. My secret, if you will, was simply to fill two trash cans with the contents of the ice box while thinking as little as possible about what it was I was removing. I did not stop to ponder, for instance, that this brownish bag of goo was at one time tomatoes, or veal, or rice. Just toss it and forget it.

And the bugs, well, best not to think too long about them, either. Sure, there were a lot of those guys in both the fridge and freezer compartments, and no doubt they had a knock-down-drag-out party in our absence. But how did they get in there? My advice: don't ask, don't tell.

After that it was not so bad. A lot of 409 and bleach and baking soda.

And why? Well, when I first came back to town I was staying at a friend's house who was not planning to return for many more weeks. I guess I wanted to do him a favor, and I guess, too, that I wanted to be able to have a place for the beer.

Yes, that is my story. If I still had an Army uniform, I'd sew a REFRIGERATOR badge on my shoulder, like the RANGER and AIRBORNE tabs some soldiers wear.

I have done it.

And now, I will enjoy a cold beer and apply ointment to this unusual rash I have developed.

No comments: